I emerge gradually from the mud of confusion, and the images of my nightmare are crumbling one by one. One second, I thought she was there. But no. I am alone again, alone in my bed. Hampered by the knotted sheets, I can not move. Absurd scenes unravel, gradually getting deprived of their substance, disappearing in the dark corners of my field of vision. All of them, that live behind my eyes, under my skin, in my swollen veins, all of them shut down and extinct as I wake up.
I want to move my hands, loose the nod, but something prevents me from doing it. I try again, to no avail : it's like a net that holds me captive. I open my eyes : black strings run over me, choking me and cutting deep in my skin as I pull. A yoke of white fear falls upon me, and I suffocate. What is... The thin cords streak my ribs, my stomach, entangling my arms. I struggle, but it clamps me, holding me, it keeps me from ...
I look up and there she is, again. Facing me, her eyes planted in my soul. Me, my image, my reflection. The strings connect us to one another. Her panicking moves tighten our ties and bring us together. I can not breathe, it creeps in me... The wires knot my fingers, preventing me from tearing the trap with my nails. Escape, flee, free myself from it. Tearing sutures, breaking them like nerve fibers, let them whip the air whistling... Never see her again, parting with her, sever the ties. Please disappear ! The cords pierce my skin like curved needles. I can’t, I can’t, it has to stop. She has my eyes and my mouth, her hair slowly flowing around her like mine. She will penetrate inside me, contaminate me with her tumoral soul and make me her imaginary double. She, the captive of all eternity, mourning incessantly as soon as I close my eyes to the world. Me me me, me screaming, moaning and crying on my lost soul. Sick her, agonizing me.
I panic, everything's palpitating, and I clench my teeth in anguish.
I want to flee, I want to leave, escape. But the bite of the strings in my skin doesn't lie and won’t let me forget. Like a burning knot in my belly.
I close my eyes and all finally stops. Beyond black borders of my field of vision, beyond the horizon blocked by ash, there is nothing anymore, nothing that breathes or screams. Noone is crying any longer. Neither I, nor anyone. My soul is empty, inert. I am alone, alone, still alone.
I emerge (...) confusion, (...) nightmare (...) I thought she was there (...) no (...) no (...) no (... ... ....)
for nihil